Let them keep their dignity

How I learned a life lesson at the expense of Mr. Jones   ---- that is what I will call him here.

Years ago, when we started our business, we were selling some agricultural chemicals as a way to generate additional revenue.  My father was an agronomist and had been involved in such businesses before.

We had a man who owed us perhaps $4000 or $5000 for materials he had purchased from us.  I volunteered to go collect since it was not too far from my home.  He had been putting us off for several months, so I was determined to demonstrate my collection abilities and "bring him to justice".

I stopped at his farm on the way home and found him and his young son in the barn, milking cows.   I marched in and without engaging in very much small talk, told Mr. Jones that I was there to collect the money he owed us.  He said he did not have it right then, so I told him I would be back the next night about the same time to collect.  Then I left.

The next night I stopped, went into the barn and  asked, probably not very politely, for the money.  He said, "It is in the house, on the table, my wife is not home.  Go inside and get it. Goodbye."

I got it and left.  Later and many times since then, I have thought about my actions, and have never been proud.  More than anything else, I robbed Mr. Jones of his dignity in front of his son. 

My friend Dave calls these "life lessons" and I have never forgotten this lesson:
Let them keep their dignity.

I have tried, though not with 100% success, to let people keep their dignity and hold their heads up, even when I wanted to break them down for some reason.  That means trying to not attack them as a person, but rather to keep things behavior focused.  It means that in spite of what wrong they may have committed in my eyes, remembering that they are people with feelings, who do not need their self worth downgraded.  It means not reprimanding people in front of others.  (This has sometimes been hard for me, because of a desire at times to make an example of someone.  Other times my own emotions just would not let me wait until a better time.)  The so-called "hot stove rule" speaks of the need for immediacy in discipline, just as a hot stove burns immediately.  How can you have immediacy and still "wait for a better time" ????

Click to learn about the Hot Stove Rule         I first learned about it in 1967 from Don Sheriff (see right hand column of this blog.


Dignity is one of those words that we all have a concept of its meaning, but yet has a variety of definitions.  In this case such terms as "self respect, self esteem, self worth, personal pride, or being worthy of respect, esteem, and honor" used in some of the on-line dictionaries. You can find a lot more such definitions.